Working with Fear as a Facilitator

Last week I was working with change leaders at one of the world's largest ngo’s. A group of utterly capable, highly likable, deeply cooperative people — genuinely committed to making a difference in the world.

The organisation had grown fast. From start-up to scale-up: more people, bigger ambitions, higher stakes. And what had always worked no longer did. Something needed to change.

But change wasn't happening. Not because people didn't want it. They did. Deeply.

The resistance ran in quieter, older channels — patterns embedded in the culture over years. Not speaking up. Not giving feedback. Not making commitments. Not holding each other accountable. A kind of soft, polite hierarchy that kept everyone comfortable, and kept the organisation stuck.

When Fear Entered the Room

When we started exploring what was actually in the way, something shifted in the room.

Fear became palpable.

Fear of breaking old patterns. Fear of losing what had been so carefully built. Fear of not being good enough — that quiet imposter voice. Fear of being called out, of being too visible, of showing yourself fully and being rejected for it.

We could have moved past it. Named it and moved on. But we didn't. We stopped, and we opened the conversation.

What happened next surprised many in the room. People began to discover they were not alone with their fear. What had felt so private, so isolating — so theirs — turned out to be shared by almost everyone in the group. The relief of that was visible. The energy shifted.

And something else happened too. When people stopped performing certainty, they started connecting differently. Not through the familiar veil of pleasing and half-truths — but with everything present. The good, the difficult, the unspoken. The full picture.

It was courageous work. Allowing the uncertainty. Venturing into not-knowing. But it opened something that no amount of smart strategy or structured process could have opened.

Why Fear Drives So Much — Invisibly

We know from research (McKinsey, among others) that around 70% of change efforts fail. Most analyses point to the same root cause: the human side of change is not taken into account.

People are afraid of change — not because they are weak, but because change asks them to let go of what they know. The anchors that have kept them stable. The ways of working that defined their competence. Their sense of belonging, of identity, of control.

When those fears are not acknowledged, they don't disappear. They go underground.

And underground, unrecognised fear begins to drive behaviour invisibly. It shows up as urgency, as rigidity, as a tendency to solve the wrong problems — the ones at the surface, the ones that are safe to name — while the deeper patterns remain untouched. Teams work hard. Just not on what actually matters.

This is the human side of change. And no strategic framework reaches it.

What This Asked of Me as a Facilitator

Facilitating a group through fear does not begin with the group. It begins with yourself.

Everything those change leaders were working with — I felt it too.

That same morning I had had to face my own fears. I had been invited to lead a Facilitator Development workshop. But as we settled in together, it became clear the group needed something different first. The planned agenda no longer fitted what was alive in the room. So I stepped back. I allowed other members of our team to step in ahead of me.

And immediately my own fears came up: What am I doing here? Am I still adding value? If I keep pushing, will they lose trust in me? Do I still belong? Who am I to stir this up? Why not keep it safe?

These are the fears that live in the facilitator's body. And they are important information.

Because to accompany others into fear, you first have to be willing to face your own. There is no shortcut. Leading by example — Living the Work, as we call it in Liberation of Facilitation — is not a principle. It is a practice. It is the only way.

That morning, as I became aware of how fear was hijacking me, limiting my freedom to act, making me rigid and wanting to keep control, I could ease myself out of it. Recognising the fear, embracing it and then letting go of it, made me regain access to my full potential. And be the space for the group to deal with the topic that was most crucial for them, at that specific moment.  

Fear as a Source of Wisdom

Here is the reframe that changes everything: fear is not an empty space to be avoided. It is a rich, vibrant space full of direction. So that’s what I did, by …..And now I was ready to support the group in their fears

When we approach fear as a source of wisdom rather than a threat to be managed, something opens. It stops commanding and starts informing. It offers clarity on where to go next — not in spite of the discomfort, but precisely because of it.

The energy that was previously spent on avoidance — on holding back, on performing confidence, on looking for the familiar solution — becomes available for something else. For real conversation. For genuine connection. For the kind of movement that no structured agenda could have produced.

This is not a rational process. It does not happen brain to brain. The whole nervous system is involved. Groups resonate — in fear, in relief, in courage. When you push this too hard, the system shuts down. When you hold it with enough care, it opens.

That is the space a facilitator creates: safe enough to step into, wide enough to discover something new.

Full Presence as the Facilitator's Primary Tool

The difference we made in that room was not technique. It was presence.

We brought our full humanity in. No polish. No performance. We let ourselves be seen — including our own uncertainty — so that the participants could let themselves be seen too.

We are so practiced at making things more presentable. At softening, rounding, curating. At seeing reality not as it is, but as we would prefer it to be. As a facilitator, you can choose differently. You can walk in with everything you are, and in doing so, give others permission to do the same.

That is where change actually happens. Not through working harder, but through allowing what wants to emerge. Staying away from the illusion of control. Staying curious instead of certain. Staying present — including with your own fear — rather than rushing to the next thing.

No narrowing the options prematurely. No retreating to the familiar. No intolerance for the messy middle. Just full, transparent presence — and the capacity to stay with not-knowing long enough for the real conversation to begin.

It is magic to witness.

Are you willing to develop your capacity as a facilitator to work with what is alive in the room — including the difficult parts? Our Liberation of Facilitation programme is designed precisely for this. DM us for a no-obligation conversation.